This week’s blog is by Guest Columnist Seaman Staines, Mate and Quartermaster aboard the Black Pig.
Hello and Welcome to my first guest blog which the Captain says won’t be the last!
I am Seaman Staines, as quartermaster acknowledged as the resident financial expert aboard the Pirate vessel Black Pig. (Captain’s Note: Take this bloke with a pinch of salt; I let him buy the beans, nothing more).
Many of our crew are of Greek lineage and, needless to say they come to me for advice about the developing Euro crisis (Yeah Right! El Capitain) and despite the fact we still get our pittance in doubloons on occasion mostly it’s in the local scrip.
When my fellow bubblonian crewmen ask me to help I explain my simple scheme to ensure all their hardworking, taxpaying relatives in fair Hellenis (E.C. Wot???. and while I’m at it, Where???) don’t get shafted by the crafty Hun hordes who are about to sweep down to repossess their Tavernas’ and crockery shops (they use an inordinate amount of plates apparently).
This is a graph produced by Reuters today – that Blue line that’s Greece’s current debt – apparently running at over 125% of GDP – that means for every euro they earn they spend 25% more.
Even the Captain with his out of control cutlass purchases on Pirate e Bay doesn’t achieve that (carry on – it won’t just be last post but last plank matey boy - C.P.)
At the moment the Bookies are offering 6/4 on that Greece exits the Euro by the end of 2012.
Now I speak as a man who has often taken on the masters of the turf and the fact I still sail on a tatty scow with a half mad skipper (Oi!) shows how adept I am at placing a wager.
The way to ensure your future wealth if you are a Greek resident however is painfully simple. The thousands of Euros currently residing under your vine leaf stuffed mattresses are presumably there for three reasons: 1) the interest rates offered by the banks are rubbish 2) the Greek banks are rubbish anyway and liable to vanish overnight quicker than a decent bottle of Ouzo (Captain’s note: there is no such thing) and 3) you didn’t declare any of this dosh to the taxman.
Right –
pay attention –
Take all the cash from beneath the bedding and pack it in a holdall, suitcase whatever. Take a trip to Germany by whatever method and, once there, open a bank account or three and deposit all the money – and be quick about it.
But NO you say! I need my moolah, in readies what’s more.
That’s the clever bit. If you notice this ‘Universal Euro’ isn’t universal at all, a quick glance will establish where that note was printed. The big con behind the euro is simply that there is no universal head of state or similar on the notes to guarantee payment – this means it is not the ‘universal currency’ it was sold as by the Eurocrats.
Trust me, when judgement day comes those Greek notes will all get stamped up ‘non negotiable’ or similar and be devalued against other currencies – in short they won’t be worth a carrot. You on the other hand, my Greek crewmate, will have withdrawn all your savings in solid old Deutsche geld, currently valid anywhere in the EU and likely to remain so when the bubble economy literally bursts and the trireme sink below the waves of austerity (Is that in the Sea of Tranquillity? Ed).
Trust me, I am after all - Your Mate.
Photo: ‘Destruction’ the fourth from the five painting series ‘The Course of Empire’ by Thomas Cole.




